Setting the Scene
So, along with many my age, I am entering the daunting world of adulthood mid-pandemic. Given that I studied music, I was never going to pop out of uni with much certainty regarding my next move. I was prepared for the clueless roam, hoping to bump into the arrow signposted 'success this way'. So really the only difference is, that signpost got knocked down, swept away and covered in mud, but I'll find it. And in the meantime I must search with direction and purpose, whilst appreciating all the scenery on the way. On a good day, not a problem, on a bad day, I just want to shut my eyes, lie in the grass and hope the world spins me round to the place I need to be. But that isn't going to happen! So here I am, embarking on a new mission, and this is what I have to say about it! Think of this as a well put together introduction to a shambolic diary of an aspiring creative carrying the many metaphorical eggs of life. A few may (more than likely) fall, but if you don't laugh, you'll cry.
I am a performing singer-songwriter, with a first class degree from the Liverpool Institute for Performing Arts, yay! I never got the highest grades in school so I must admit, I'm rather chuffed with that one! I have been performing for as long as I can remember, first memory probably being when I was a baby goose in the local pantomime - life changing. When I performed on the main stage at Shambala Festival with Laid Blak, aged 14, I got an unmatched feeling which confirmed from that moment, performing was what I did best. For me, there is no feeling that quite lives up to the reverberating thrill that consumes me after a performance. The initial pencilled etchings of what would eventually be Molly Green didn't start here though. I wrote my first 'real' song (not 'I love you, yes I do, ooh ooh ooh') when I was 13, after I lost my father. It was my way of exploring and expressing my emotions, and gave me a way to speak to my dad without feeling like I was going crazy talking to ghosts (which I totally believe in by the way, but only the friendly ones). From then on, writing became my way of having uncomfortable conversations, like the time I tried apologising to my sister for being a bit of an a*se, though she spent the entirety of the song spinning on the office chair paying zero attention (she maintains had she known it was for her, she would've listened!). Songwriting and performing has been my way of communicating to the world, and while performing may be a little tricker at the moment, I aim to continue to use my voice to deliver messages or feelings that I feel are important to share.
Additional to my passion for music, is a recently reignited love for fashion. I was that little girl who loved getting dressed up and wearing my mum's high heels. After stealing said heels, I would get her to do my make-up just to watch Top of the Pops. But somewhere along the line I lost it. I think the restrictions of 'school cool', combined with a feeling that I needed to dumb myself down so as not to come across arrogant, resulted in a greyed out version of myself. But I have since realised that it's important to shine bright, and provided you don't always think you shine the brightest, it definitely doesn't make one arrogant. And when I realised that, I rediscovered my love for fashion, switched up the wardrobe and felt sparkly again. So much so that what began as a one time challenge, born out of the inability to find a dress that I liked, has now become somewhat of a new 'string to my bow', if you will! Being the fashion fuss-pot that I am, I couldn't find a single dress that was quite right for my Great Gatsby themed 21st. So, Mum's solution was "let's just make it!". Thankfully she actually can make dresses, her talents are endless, and it was stunning. This led us on to make my sister's prom dress, the brief; fireball gown (obvs). I slowly developed the confidence to venture out on my own and start making things alone, and with a bit of help from trusty old YouTube, it didn't go so badly! I revelled in the concept that I could design whatever I fancied for a particular gig and make it. Being me, it's always a last minute rush. I once had a dream the night before a gig that I should have a pair of shorts to match the top I had made, woke up bright and breezy and got straight to work! Thankfully a few pulls and un-hemmed seams can't be seen on stage, so besides a few imperfections, I am now able to have a vision and just about make it a reality. As the skills develop and the confidence grows I aim to begin making outfits for others, whilst continuing to clothe my brand as an artist in unique, 100% me outfits. How exciting!
In amidst all this, I am learning how to navigate being in a gay relationship having previously been very much straight. A pandoras box of thoughts and feelings, both my own and of the people around me, sprung open, and even nearly 10 months in, new assumptions, theories and conclusions are seeping out. In all honesty, it wasn't just the girl thing that came as a shock, I remained single through the majority of my teen years. This is the first proper relationship I've had and I think it's the real thing! This changes things, and in itself inflates a million new thoughts and feelings, for me...and my mum it would seem! Relationships are one of the most complicated things we do as humans, filled with mystifying moral mazes and a concoction of emotions, intentions and needs. As we get older and life gets more 'serious', the relationships we harbour, too have an increased sense of significance.
And so, as a creative thrust into the battlefield of adulthood, carving my way through the bullets of unemployment and expectations, I anticipate no easy route. But while I let you in on the many mistakes I will undoubtedly make, I will use this to keep me grounded, document my lessons and hopefully one day I can look back and realise how lucky I was to make it out in one piece!